You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
