I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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