my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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