What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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