I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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