i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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