She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
