vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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