Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
