Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
