he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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