he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
