Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
