a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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