i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
