after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
