smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
