I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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