the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
