I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
