Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize