Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize