ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
