I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
