I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
3pm strippers are depressing
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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