By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My pussy is not your playground.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
