No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
