You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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