i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do vagina's smell?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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