Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
