I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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