This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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