I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
