At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
