And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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