I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
