oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
