when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
