Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
