i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it glows. i had to have it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
