just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think your dad took our porno
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
