PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
