Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
