i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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