Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
