At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
