why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
