it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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