I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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