I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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