He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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