I think I died a long time ago.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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