I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
