my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
