I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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