marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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