do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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