This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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