you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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