I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can text with my tongue
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
