u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
