i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
